New Release: 'Rearrange'
- Mar 1, 2025
- 2 min read
Updated: Jan 23
New Release: 'Rearrange' is out now.
This song came from the long, tiring feeling of trying to be the version of myself that other people seemed to need. I spent years rearranging pieces of who I am to fit into different rooms, different expectations, different versions of "okay." I would soften edges here, hide parts there, change the tone of my voice, adjust the way I showed up. I told myself it was compromise. I told myself it was love. I told myself it was growth.
But the more I rearranged, the less I recognized the reflection. The more I shaped myself to be wanted, the more I wondered if anyone would still want the unshaped version. If I stopped performing, if I stopped editing, if I let the real me walk into the room unfiltered . . would they stay? Would they still choose me? Or was the love always conditional on the rearrangement?
The Weight of the Rearrangement
Rearranging is exhausting. It is not just changing clothes or changing topics. It is changing the way you breathe around certain people. It is changing the way you laugh, the way you speak, the way you feel allowed to feel. It is the constant calculation: "If I show this part, will they leave? If I hide this part, will I disappear?" The weight is in knowing that every time you rearrange, you lose a little more of the original shape. The weight is in wondering if the original shape was ever worth keeping.
The "Still Here" Perspective
I have learned I can only control whether I keep rearranging or start showing up as I am. I cannot make everyone stay. I cannot make everyone understand. I definitely cannot make the world love the unedited version overnight. But I can stop asking permission to be real. I can stop believing love has to be earned through performance. I can start loving the real me first. It has been a long journey. A really long one. But I am getting there. And I am grateful . . deeply grateful . . for the people who stayed through every awkward, unpolished step. The ones who loved me when I was rearranging, and still love me when I am not.
If you have ever felt like you are constantly rearranging yourself to be loved . . if you have ever wondered if the real you would still be chosen . . if you have ever started the long journey of learning to love who you actually are . . this song is for you.
Give it a listen wherever you stream music.