New Release: 'I Want to Be Me'
- Dec 24, 2024
- 2 min read
Updated: Jan 23
New Release: 'I Want to Be Me' is out now.
This song came from the quiet loneliness of wondering if people actually like the real me. Or if they only like the version I show them when I am trying hard enough. The version that smiles when it hurts. The version that says yes when it wants to say no. The version that adjusts every little thing to fit what they seem to want.
I catch myself doing it without thinking. Be more funny. Be less intense. Be more available. Be less needy. Be this. Do that. Act like this. Change the tone. Change the opinion. Change the energy. All so they will stay. All so they will like me. All so I do not have to sit with the fear that if they saw the unedited version, they would walk away.
The Weight of Performing
Performing is heavy because it never ends. You are always watching yourself. Always editing. Always measuring how much of the real you is safe to let out. The weight is in knowing that every adjustment costs a little piece of yourself. The weight is in wondering if the love you get is for the performance or for the person underneath. The weight is in the loneliness that comes from being surrounded by people who do not really know you.
The "Still Here" Perspective
I have learned I can only control whether I keep performing or start showing up as I am. I cannot make everyone like the real me. I cannot make acceptance guaranteed. I definitely cannot make the loneliness disappear. But I can stop adjusting. I can stop editing. I can stop believing I have to be something else to be loved. I can choose to be me. Even if it scares people away. Even if it feels risky. Even if it means some people leave. Because the ones who stay will be staying for the real thing. And that is worth the loneliness of the ones who do not.
If you have ever felt lonely even when you are not alone . . if you have ever wondered if people would still like you if you stopped performing . . if you have ever wanted to be loved for exactly who you are . . this song is for you.
Give it a listen wherever you stream music.